It might be gloomy and 55 degrees outside(I’m in central California so that’s pretty cold! Let me live!), but i’m still all about crop tops! The crop top trend marked an important step for me in experimenting with styles outside of my comfort zone, and no “trends that need to die” lists are going to stop me from showing off my round, stretch mark covered midriff!
People often ask me how I am confident enough to dress how I do, and in all honestly, I didn’t just find body positivity then cut-to crop tops and short shorts. The first and most important step for me was realizing that all the stigma and prejudice I perceived was in fact real, but also stemmed in total BULLSHIT. Even after I understood this, and began to identify and unlearn my internalized self hatred for my body, confidence didn’t just appear in me over night. It took tons of tiny little steps of courage before I ever really felt confident in anything I’ve worn! Courage to wear bright colors. Courage to wear skinny jeans. Courage to wear dresses. But crops tops? Wearing something that showed off my tummy, a part of my body that I have been taught to minimize and cover at all costs? That’s a huge step, or at least like a medium step…definitely bigger than any step before it. My point being, it took a super mega buttload amount of courage! So I took it slow, and started small.
I had already seen fat babes from all over the internet rocking crop tops, and that definitely gave me that initial push to try one. But even then, I was too scared to wear it out, so I started by just putting it on for myself, alone in my room. I looked at myself in the mirror and felt good about how I looked, but i was still afraid of what others would think. My mind raced with possibilities of what friends and strangers alike would say about it, everything from whispers to harassment. It’s a life long fear that eerily brings me back to childhood, feeling constantly pestered and blamed for my body, when really i just wanted to live my life in peace(without people bothering me all the time about the meatsuit i occupied)!
So for a while it stayed in my bedroom. But deep down, I knew my fear was rooted in other peoples problems, I knew whatever they thought of me or my body didn’t effect my worth, and most importantly, I knew how freakin cute i looked in that damn crop top(okay, not most important but important)! I just wasn’t ready for the possibility of having someone verbally say to my face all the terrible things that had been stirring up in my head. So I took another little step and first shared my new crop top on tumblr, with the people who had inspired me to wear it in the first place. That’s right, I posted a picture of myself in a crop top on the internet, and I lived to tell the tale!
I received likes, and reblogs, and yeah, I got a few terrible comments from who I can only assume was some very under supervised children based on spelling and vocabulary, but I survived! And I grew because of it! After that, I eventually got up the courage to finally wear a crop top out to a party. I had a few moments of doubt, of course, but it felt so good to express myself and my style without complete restriction for once(and compliments from other girls was like a huge help tbh! Don’t forget to tell your friends how cute they are!) .
So i kept wearing them to friends houses, then to bars, then out of town, then grocery shopping! Eventually I just felt comfortable enough that I didn’t really even think about it on my good days. And yeah, still there’s bad days too, where I don’t even want to be seen by anyone, including myself. There’s even kinda in the middle-ish days where I don’t exactly feel bad about my body but my brain is like “ehhhh lets just wear this same tshirt/sweatpants combo for the 5th day in a row ya filth” Shit happens, and that’s okay! Having bad mental health days doesn’t mean everything I’ve accomplished for myself this far becomes void. It doesn’t mean I’m back at square one. I’ve seen a lot of bloggers and social media babes talking about this recently, and i agree that it’s crucial to be honest about these types of days, because they’re challenges even the most body positive badasses face sometimes! Self love doesn’t have a finish line and suddenly you’re cured! It’s okay to run into bumps on your journey, or even some temporary road blocks, as long as you eventually keep moving forward! There will be more good days ahead!
I continued to slowly tackle my fashion fears and push my style boundaries using similar baby step methods. I’m still working on a lot right now, like wearing shorts out, or wearing bodycon dresses at all. It’s all a process. But crop tops were my first big victory in style freedom, and because of that, they’re important and somewhat sentimental to me.
So let’s talk outfit. At this point, I own like A LOT of crop tops, and on top of that I’m not exactly a seasonal wardrobe type of gal, so I always try to incorporate crop tops, along with other summery items, in my winter outfits. It’s all about LAYERS. LAYERS. LAYERS! Since the wind out here decided to calm the fuck down for once, I paired this crop with my favorite long sweater, it has a hood!(It also came with a one button closure originally but ya girls belly in sit-mode broke that shit in like a day) I also had a hankering to wear some shorts since I bought a lot over summer that are currently stuffed in my bottom drawer, so I decided to wear them over tights to keep me warm! These tights are a freaking blessing for anyone with big thighs and butt like me! I never thought I’d find any that would stretch enough to fit comfortably on my stomach and thighs but We Love Colors has answered my prayers! And there’s so many options! I’ll list details for everything else below:
Crop top: Thrifted/D.I.Y
Shorts: Torrid (I’m wearing a size 26 available up to 28)
Sweater: Torrid (Oldie but a goodie from a few years ago. I’m wearing a a size 3) You can find similar sweaters here and here.
Tights: We Love Colors (I’m wearing an E)
Glasses: Zenni Optical (click for $5 off code!)