Throwback

It’s been almost a year since I’ve gained a following on Instagram. As summer quickly approached and it started reaching well over 90 degrees on a daily basis, I began to post more and more outfits including warm weather essentials like shorts, crop tops, and tanks. It was this outfit in particular that originally sparked a large response. As someone who had just a few thousand followers at the time, getting 1,000+ likes, features on pages, and over 70+ comments on each post, it was VERY OVERWHELMING. I was stuck between being incredibly happy to be able to reach so many people who may need bopo inspiration while also being acknowledged for my outfits, and dreading the inevitable onslaught of hate mail, unsolicited “health advice”, and internet trolls that seemed to come full force every time I made a post.

It was… a weird time. and a little scary? but also kind of wonderful??!??! So in honor of my beginnings, I decided to redo my entire outfit, now almost a year later, and share some of my favorite Instagram captions from the past, a.k.a 101 ways to tell fatphobes to fuck off (more like 3 for right now lol but ya know)

tbtb6“Up Next: Should fat girls wear shorts and crop tops?!? More of me totally not giving a fuck at 11!!!”

tbtb10“Me: hey this outfit is cute I like my hair๐Ÿ’–
Trash: I know enough about health to know that i can diagnose u from a pic ur def gonna die soon here’s a in depth description of ur insides and everything wrong with them I know what I’m talking about I follow people who post poorly photoshopped health graphics from reddit with the same 3 incorrect statistics health is my life that’s why i spend an unhealthy amount of time trying to make people feel like shit don’t be mean to me though I’m just trying to help you sweetieo”

“I am FAT! Very fat! And I love myself, very much! You don’t need to tell me I’m fat, I know! Fat people are not some less self aware, less intelligent sub species that entitled thin people with superiority complexes seem to think we are. Please do not come to me using your thin veil of health concerns when you really just hate fat people. Let me remind you that you do not know my health, or actually anything about me, based on these pictures(except for maybe the fact that I can really rock a pair of shorts)and pretending like you got my medical chart right in front of you just proves you’re full of shit. It should not be some radical act to post pictures of yourself while fat! It should not be radical to wear shorts in the heat while fat! It should not be radical to love yourself while fat! My posts are not here for thin people to share their hate for fat bodies with the world, or make fun of me with their friends because I ruined their precious social media feed. My posts are for ME to talk about how cute I AM, and it is NOT up for debate.”
tbtb1

These days things are a lot quieter, over the winter months until now I’ve only received maybe 30 instances of hate mail, as opposed to the hundreds I would get daily in the weeks following this outfit.

I have often said in the past that mean comments didn’t really effect me, and that’s a lie. They all do. Of course they do! But what i really mean is that they don’t effect me the way the cruel people leaving the comments would hope for. They don’t make me feel bad about myself, or keep me from living my life happily. They don’t effect my self esteem, I am the only one who has power over that. But it does effect me. I get upset, ย I get mad, I get angry!!! I’m angry that I can’t post a picture of myself in usual summer attire without hoards of strangers telling me to go on a diet. Hell, I’m damn right furious that gracefully taking a consistent flow of hate is almost a requirement for any fat blogger/model/public figure that wants to be successful.

Even now, a year later, I am filled to brim with anxiety about the incoming responses that will result when I post these new pics on Instagram. But I’m doing it anyway. For every fat girl that sends me a message saying I helped them feel confident enough to show their legs and tummies. &For every fat girl out there who stays in jeans and a hoodie through 100 degree weather. & most importantly I’m gonna post them for ME!

All Weather is Crop Top Weather

It might be gloomy and 55 degrees outside(I’m in central California so that’s pretty cold! Let me live!), but i’m still all about crop tops! The crop top trend marked an important step for me in experimenting with styles outside of my comfort zone, and no “trends that need to die” lists are going to stop me from showing off my round, stretch mark covered midriff!

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Continue reading “All Weather is Crop Top Weather”

Who am I? How did I get here?

For the past couple weeks I’ve been lowkey having a breakdown writing my “about me” and trying to explain the effects body positivity has had on me and my life. It’s something I feel so strongly about but every time I try to put my experiences into words I either feel like I sound stupid or I’m trying too hard like a weird commercial targeted towards millennials where they say like “Wednesdays we squad” or some shit like that. I guess I’m just really nervous, ya know, starting a blog! A real adult blog with it’s own domain! It feels so official. I’ve always maintained my involvement with the plus size and body positive community, as well as my presence online, as just a fun little hobby I did between scrolling through memes on social media. And in many ways, it is a hobby. I spend my free time playing dress up and taking selfies, it’s fun, I love it! But I know deep down it serves such a bigger purpose for me; itโ€™s my participation and contribution to a community that has changed my life, and it’s important to me. I never really admitted to others, or myself really, that I cared so much or worked so hard at what I do, because what if I put all this effort into sharing myself and my life with the world, and everyone hated me? or I said the wrong things? or my pictures weren’t good enough? or no one even cared at all? ย I’ve always wanted to have a blog like this but it meant really trying and possibly failing, so I stuck to my “no biggie its whatever just having fun” attitude on social media. But these last couple of years on tumblr and instagram have actually really helped me become more confident in being who I am and speaking my mind, and I can’t keep procrastinating until “perfection” can be achieved. So I sit here, suffering from writers block and practically drowning in anxiety, trying my damnedest to just be myself so I can tell you a little something about me without sounding like a crazy tool.

Continue reading “Who am I? How did I get here?”